Fun Ways to Antagonize Friends

Years ago, when I was but a wee college co-ed still trolling through life on my parents’ dime, I joined a social organization we Americans call a sorority. I know everyone loves good old American sorority lore from time to time: The pillow fights; the uncapping of the Sharpies to circle cellulite; the 2 AM hazing with the sheep and the surgical gloves; that scene from Animal House where Bluto climbs the ladder…

But you’re tired of those stories. No need to unpack them here.

Still, there’s one story I can tell you that (barely) applies to the rest of this post. It’s about “Senior Wills,” my sorority’s most formidable spring tradition.

Every May, just a few weeks before graduation, senior girls would give away their sorority paraphernalia in a casual ceremony designed to publicly humiliate pass the social torch to their friends. If, for example, you’d spent the last four years holding a secret for your dearest pal, Senior Wills was a no-holds-barred opportunity to share every reputation-wrecking detail of that secret before begging forgiveness by way of your favorite college sweatshirt.

Fun times, watching your friends die of shame. It was one of my favorite nights of the year.

A few days ago, I ran into something that (loosely) reminded me of Senior Wills. And then today, I ran into it again.

The Memetastic Award!

Jill over at Yeah. Good Times. recently created an award that two of my very dear bloggy friends—Amanda at Life is a Spectrum, and Harsha at H is for Happiness—have passed along to me. I can only assume they got together over cyber lunch to conspire against me discuss ways to honor my greatness, and in the end, I received this button of a tweaked-out kitten:

Kool for Kats!

I’m worried Amanda and Harsha will come after me, pounding their fists like goons and threatening to expose me for the fraud I am unless I promise to follow the ironclad rules that govern Jill’s Memetastic Award. I’m loathe to refuse them. I learned from my last brush with the law that I need to walk a tighter line, so here I am, doing as I’m bloody well told.

The Memetastic Rules!

1. You must proudly display the graphic Jill describes as “absolutely disgusting.” According to Jill: “It’s so bad that not only did I use COMIC SANS, but there’s even a little jumping, celebrating kitten down there at the bottom. It’s horrifying! But its presence in your award celebration is crucial to the memetastic process we’re creating here.”

2. You must list five things about yourself, and four of them must be bold-faced lies. Quality is not important.

3. You must pass this award to five bloggers you either like or don’t like or don’t really have much of an opinion about. As spoken by the great Jill: “I don’t care who you pick, and nobody needs to know why. You can give a reason if you want, but I don’t really care.”

4. If you fail to follow any of the above rules, Jill will hunt you down and harass you incessantly until, according to her, “you either block me on Twitter or ban my IP address from visiting your blog. I don’t know if you can actually do that last thing, but I will become so annoying to you that you will actually go out and hire an IT professional to train you on how to ban IP addresses just so that I’ll leave you alone. I’m serious. I’m going to do these things.”

5. Once you do the above, please link up to the Memetastic Hop so that Jill can keep track of where this thing goes and figure out who she needs to stalk.

The Memetastic Lies! (Plus One Truth.)

1. I look exactly like Russell Brand.

(via collider.com)

2. No, scratch that. I look exactly like Russell Stover.

(via commons.wikimedia.org)

3. No, wait. Wait. What I meant to say is I look like Russell Simmons.

(via sojones.com)

4. No, I’ve got it. Russell Crowe, circa The Gladiator.

(via solarnavigator.net)

5. I actually don’t look like any of the above. Because I’m a girl. Now hand me some lilies and a glass of Chablis.

The Memetastic Award Winners!

I bestow today’s Memetastic Award on the following lucky recipients because they live too far away to egg my car:

1)      Sunshine of Sunshine in London

2)      Erin of Legally Delish

3)      Jacque of Freedom in a Cup

4)      Angie of Thoughts Appear

5)      Jane of PlaneJaner’s Journey

…All wonderful, entertaining bloggers who deserve heaps of praise but will probably hate this award and retaliate by casting the old Sicilian malocchio in my direction. (I’m willing to take the risk, because of those goons I mentioned earlier…)

Enjoy, my memetastic friends. My most heartfelt congratulations to each of you.

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