We all have our prejudices. Here’s mine: I cannot tolerate vocal duets.
It’s hard to explain. Even if the musical arrangement is perfect, and the first vocalist is spot-on, a second vocalist is too much for me. I can’t process the sudden distraction of a singer appearing out of nowhere, grabbing the mic, and interrupting a good thing. It’s too Kanye-West-Imma-Let-You-Finish for my taste, and I seriously cannot take it.
Plus, more often than not, a duet is attached to some sort of melodramatic love story. Trust me, I’m a sucker for a good love song. But two people singing about love to each other? Preposterous. Get a room, already.
Do me a favor. Don’t admit that your favorite song is “Islands in the Stream,” by Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton, or I will judge you for that, and I won’t judge kindly.
~*~
Here’s why I’m wasting your time with this issue: While baking Christmas cookies on Saturday night, this track popped up on Pandora’s Christmas channel…
David Bowie/ Bing Crosby – Little Drummer Boy
For the record: I dig Bowie—including the Ziggy Stardust years—so I swallowed my loathing for vocal duets and listened intently. Truly, I gave it the old college try.
As my colleague Jim said, “You can even see how uncomfortable it is on the video.”
He’s right. And so I got angry.
“This will not stand,” I thought. “I must do my part. I must forge a campaign to make sure this kind of travesty never, ever happens again.”
That’s why I’m here. I’m here for the cause.
~*~
There’s not much I need to say to state my case. I’ll let Exhibits A-C speak for themselves.
Magnet featuring Gemma Hayes – Lay Lady Lay
GB has a great recording of the Bob Dylan original. It’s saved on his Sirius satellite radio, and I think I love it because of how the DJ introduces it: “And now: The sound of Bob Dylan trying to get laid.”
Ha!
But this version? I can’t…I don’t… (Sigh.) I’m just speechless.
I like Magnet’s contribution to the project. But what’s this Gemma Hayes business? What a quick way to ruin a really great rendition.
Bob. How could they do this to you.
Jesse Malin/Bruce Springsteen – Broken Radio
Funny thing about GB—he knows my hatred for vocal duets, and so he has started to collect them.
The first time he played this track for me, he grinned the whole way through my horrified, confounded reaction.
When Jesse Malin kicks off the first verse, you think, “Meh. Let’s change the station.”
But then? Out of nowhere? The Boss! And he’s perfect. He sings, and you don’t want him to stop. But more importantly, you pray to all things holy that Jesse won’t grab the mic again.
When he does, you’re left with no choice but to question right from wrong, up from down, and the whole sorry state of the universe.
Wyclef Jean/Maxi Pries – Wild World
This is my very favorite example of musical collaboration gone wrong. Again, it’s part of the GB collection.
“You’ve got to hear this,” he said when he first found the track. “I like Wyclef, but what is he trying to do here?”
It begins with Wyclef setting the scene. I’m thankful for that, or I would never have figured it out for myself:
[Wyclef]: Wyclef is sitting here playing the guitar/Rhyming with Maxi Pries/Maxi Pries you need to tell her a-geh-hen.”
[Maxi]: Don’t go…
[Wyclef]: Tell her, Maxi…
[Maxi]: Don’t go…
[Wyclef]: Tell her …
Oh, friends. It gets worse. So much worse.
[Maxi]: Oooo, baby, baby it’s a wild world…
[Wyclef]: Oh ho ho ho ho ho ho
[Maxi]: It’s hard to get by just upon a smile girl
[Wyclef]: Yeah!
Honestly, it’s absurd.
I want to call Wyclef. Text him. Tap him on the back and say ruefully, “Wyclef. What exactly is your goal? Just what do you want to accomplish with this?”
I tell you, it’s more tragic than the Rob Thomas/Carlos Santana catastrophe of 1999.
~*~
Granted, I will make concessions. Take this track, for example.
Stevie Nicks & Tom Petty – Stop Draggin’ My Heart Around
As much as I want to protest this song in theory, I can’t because it’s fantastic.
But the rest? I’ll insist that a boycott is in order. If you doubt me at all, allow me to remind you of this:
Frank Sinatra & Bono – I’ve Got You Under My Skin
Bono. You know I love you. But it should not be like this. No, never like this.
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This is brilliant, Maura. I never realised how awkward I found these couplings, so thanks for articulating it all so beautifully!
Hilarious that your husband teases you with collections of duets …
Merry Christmas, dear friend
Sunshine xx
Thanks, Sunshine! And that’s just the top five. Who can forget Mick Jagger/David Bowie’s “Dancing in the Street” or Jennifer Warnes/Bill Medley’s “I’ve Had the Time of My Life” or “Mariah Carey/Busta Rhymes’ “I Know What You Want” or Sir Paul McCartney/Michael Jackson’s “The Girl is Mine.”
Awkward is exactly the word.
A very Merry Christmas to you and yours!
I’m glad you can make some concessions. I love Tom Petty & Stevie Nicks singing Stop Dragging My Heart Around. I’ll forgive you for including them in the mix.
One of the most awkward but beautiful duets was at a wedding we attended. The bride and groom sang to each other during the ceremony. They both sang well but I found myself wanting to look away during the song. Why was that?? There were no tears….It just didn’t seem right.
Jeanne, that wedding duet is hysterical. Five points to you for making it through without laughing. I’m sure I couldn’t have been so good.
I found the best live concert video for the Petty/Nicks track. Tom introduced Stevie to uproarious applause, and she was so overcome, she just kept bowing to the audience and applauding back. I could never trash Stevie; she’s just adorable. Plus, that song is excellent.
I’m with you! Most duets are poor pairings utilizing whomever (or should that be whoever?) is popular. One that sprung to mind after I posted the whole Bowie/Crosby creepfest was Lemmy of Motörhead and Wendy O. Williams of the Plasmatics version of Stand By Your Man. Complete trainwreck although that was probably what they were going for.
Sinatra and everyone after his prime was bad. Both Duets albums are horrible.
Honorable mention should go to anyone doing a duet with a corpse, specifically if it was a family member.
Humbug!
Oh, Excellent, Bora! I was actually going to ref the Motorhead/Plasmatics track, but I thought it would be way too obscure. Five points to you–that’s awesome.
The Bowie and Crosby thing is even more awkward with the whole set up skit that leads up to it.
I can’t even bring myself to push play on Lay, Lady, Lay yet
Yes! “Oh, this one! This is my son’s favorite! Do you know this one?” “Oh, I do, indeed, it’s a lovely thing.” And then they bust out into a perfect two part harmony, complete with full orchestra. Love it.
You’ve got to click the Magnet track, Oma. It’s worth it.
Travesty with a capital “T”!! Why do people think these are a good idea? Ack, like nails on a chalkboard.
Bride and groom singing to each other? Noooooo.
The only duet I can stand is from Faith Hill & Tim McGraw, “Like We Never Loved at All”:
Oh, I’ve never heard the Faith Hill/Tim McGraw track! I’ll have to check it out to see if it belongs on the “Naughty” or the “Nice” list.
Just thought of another one: Willie Nelson/Julio Iglesias “To All the Girls I’ve Loved Before.” Because how did THAT pairing happen? Or a better question: How did Julio happen?
It’s perplexing.
Because Willie smoke a lot of pot.
Holy cow, Maura. You’re right. I can think of only 1 duet (other than “Stop Draggin’ My Heart Around”) that doesn’t ruin the song, and that’s “Baby, It’s Cold Outside,” but that’s because it’s meant as a duet.
The Sinatra duets albums were just sad.
You know, the Sinatra side of Duets wasn’t bad. He still sounded great. It was the other clowns who messed it up for him. It hurts me to say this, but Bono was kind of the low point on that first album.
Hey! what about “Ebony and Ivory!”
Makes me gag to this day!
funny!
jane
Oh, good one, Jane. I just thought of another one: “Opposites Attract” by Paula Abdul and MC Skat Kat.
I’m ashamed I even know about that one.
The worst I ever heard is State of Shock by Michael Jackson and Mick Jagger.
Who on either side thought this was a good idea?
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