36 years old, and I still haven’t mastered small talk.
Take last Friday, for example. I was riding the office elevator with two guys I didn’t know. “Golfing tomorrow?” the first guy asked.
“Nah,” the second guy answered. “I need to clean the gutters.”
“I need to do that, too,” the first guy said. “And break out the lawn mower.” He looked at me with a friendly smile. “You know?”
I didn’t know, but I smiled back and said, “Right.” They seemed to expect more from me, so I added a quick laugh for punctuation and shifted my laptop bag from one shoulder to the next. There was nothing left to do then but nod politely as the elevator descended. It was an awkward ride.
As the doors slid open and we exited to the first floor, I resolved to start using the stairs, no matter how high my heels might be.
~*~
If I had my way, I’d put a moratorium on small talk. It’s not that I don’t want to hear about you, because actually I do, very much so. Let’s just make sure we agree to talk about something interesting. Don’t even think about the weather. Instead, tell me what crossed your mind during your morning commute. Or say whom you’re more like–your mother or your father. Or explain what you were like as a kid. Now THERE’s a conversation. Give me THAT. In fact, let’s grab a Starbucks, and you can start from the very beginning.
I want one day—just one day—with no internal filter at all. I’m not saying we should all start overwhelming each other with our personal histories. I just mean we should try harder to talk about and do what’s worthwhile. That’s an inviting and infectious thought, right? It creeps up and digs in and expands until I find myself dreaming up ways to live this life more loudly. I’m now at an age where I know myself pretty well. I’ve built a sweet life with the people I love most. We’re happy together, and I think we should quite selfishly try to be even happier. What’s wrong with that? Why apologize for it?
That’s why I’m using today (my 36th birthday) as an excuse to kick off this project—“36 by 37”—where I’ll attempt to do 36 things I’ve never done, all before I turn 37. I want to bring my husband and two small sons along when I can. And I’m going to document each experience in this blog, because—guess what?—I’ve never blogged before! See? See how this works?
This will be the year I will:
- Attend the Chicago St. Patrick’s Day parade. It’s a chance to merge two of my big loves: 1) giant, rowdy Irish celebrations, and 2) my favorite U.S. city.
- Learn to really hit a baseball. I mean drive it right down the line. Take that, high school gym teacher whose name I can’t remember!
- Double down at a Vegas blackjack table. You know that scene from Swingers where Vince tells Mikey to double down on 11, because you ALWAYS double down on 11, so Mikey does and loses $200? Love.
- Attend the opera. Just because I’ve always wanted to. And so I shall.
- Take an impromptu road trip. The plan is to close my eyes, drop a finger on the map, pack up the fellas and GO.
- Give my compliments to the chef. This will be the subject of my next post. I’ve already made reservations.
- Sneak backstage to meet the band. But not just any band. I need to give this some serious thought.
- Walk my kindergartener to his first day of school. Can’t talk about this yet. Excited. Nostalgic. Proud. Distraught. The internal conflict, it is too much.
- Have cocktails with someone famous. Jon Stewart? Let’s make this happen. I promise I won’t be scary with my unabashed adoration.
- Test-drive some gorgeous, vintage car. I’ll take Mrs. Calloway’s baby blue Jaguar.
- Finally, finally start guitar lessons. By stealth. In other words, by eavesdropping on Henry’s and Ollie’s lessons.
- And…25 other TBD experiences
If you have ideas for me, I want to hear them. If you want to help, raise your hand. And if you have your own firsts, I hope you’ll tell me all about them. We adventurers need to stick together, after all. And besides, small talk doesn’t happen here.
One entry down, 35 to go. So far, age 36 looks just fine from where I’m sitting.
~*~ Find me on Twitter @mauranelle1 (NEW!) @36×37
~*~ Visit the 36×37 facebook page
This is incredibly exciting and inspiring! I just did the impromptu roadtrip for the first time ever (we did DC for two days) and I highly recommend. I can’t wait to read more…
Just when I thought you couldn’t be any sweeter or more endearing, you go and write this! I’m like you, I love to talk to people but not about the weather or what I watched on tv last night (unless it’s Lost!). Give me something with meat that I can really ask active questions and interrupt with my own thoughts from time to time.
Would you be interested in running the Columbus marathon with me? It’s a very empowering experience! Training doesn’t start till June so you have some time to hash that one over.
Aw, thanks so much, Leslie. : ) I think it’s great you’re planning to run a marathon again–good for you! While I’m not the marathon type (I tap out at 6 mi usually, and I would reeeeally slow you down), I’m totally up for running whenever you need a buddy. That would be a blast!
Meanwhile, stop beating yourself up about trying to get back to your old running stride so soon after becoming a mom. Sleep deprivation makes everything harder. Just take care of yourself, and you’ll get there!
Wow, your first blog is awesome. It reminds me of your “Wishing Well” columns at Centre. I get on the elevator daily with people that I don’t know and know nothing about. I always talk and comment on the weather!!!! All of you younger ones, what else shall I talk about? Politics, religion?
Maura,
You are such a creative soul! I love it. I think you should add a more physical one to the list….either run a half marathon or do a triathalon or take up road biking……..I’ll do it with you if you need support.
Maura – I love this!! What a great idea for a blog. A great idea for a project. Reading this was reminding me how sweet and wonderful and intelligent you are. Happy Birthday! Can’t wait to watch your year unfold.
Aw, Skila. Thanks for the kind words. Miss you so much, girl. I’m so glad we’re in touch again. : ) Hugs to you from C-bus!
Love it, Maura! What a great outlook on life! I love my inspiring Centre College alum, Kappa sisters!
Love, love, love it! Can’t wait to hear more! You reminded me that some of life’s biggest challenges are smal events- like the 1st day of kindergarten. Keep it comin’sister!
Fabulous!! I love your writing style! What a meaningful and memorable year you’re sure to have! Have you ever served a meal in a homeless shelter? How about dropped off a meal to someone unexpectedly? Have you purchased presents off a needy child’s Christmas wish list? Posted a recipe on-line? Kayaked or gone whitewater rafting? Have you ever spontaneously picked up the tab for a total stranger’s meal (like a military person or fire fighter) to say thanks? You’ve gotten me thinking for myself, too! Have fun~
Thanks, Caryn! And thanks for reminding me to pepper my list with a few civically minded items. Have you volunteered at a homeless shelter? If so, I’ll have to tap you on the shoulder later this year to get the details. : ) Have a fabulous week!
No, I haven’t – yet! You started me brainstorming about things I’ve always thought about, but have yet to do. Maybe I need a birthday goal…
Yeah, Maura!! What a fabulous first post.
I’m so excited for your project, and can’t wait to hear more! I agree with your friend Caryn: A volunteer project would be a great addition to your list! And maybe something the boys could help with, too! So, so, so, so fun. 
What a freaking fabulous idea!!! I love it!
Thanks for your kind words about 36×37, Jill. I checked out your blog and it’s adorable. I’ll be sure to mention it in my next post (April 25-ish).
Well Maura B.! I’m so very proud of you. Starting a blog is such an empowering thing to do. I love mine and I bet yours ends up lasting more than just a year!
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“I’m now at an age where I know myself pretty well. I’ve built a sweet life with the people I love most. We’re happy together, and I think we should quite selfishly try to be even happier. What’s wrong with that? Why apologize for it?” I love this and it’s exactly how I feel. I enjoyed reading the post to find out how you came up with the name for your blog. Very creative. I’ll be back to read more of posts.
If it’s any consolation, I’m nearly 60 and haven’t mastered small talk either. I can write reams in my blog, I can talk the hind legs of a donkey (imagine all those poor two-legged donkeys) to people I know well, but as soon as the dreaded small talk is needed… eek! I seem to need to do it in waiting rooms (doctor/dentist) so I bravely say something like “nice shoes” then I sort of freeze.
Off a donkey, not of a donkey. Sorry. A typo, for a change.